I stopped playing over-the-board chess about eleven years ago. Ole Ole Shah Alam 2015 was the last tournament I played in.Even that I entered because it was near where I lived.

The reasons were simple enough: I didn't enjoy sitting over a classical game for two-plus hours, and competitive chess made me anxious. Even short, rapid games. There was no dramatic exit — I just drifted away. Also, I prefer to be the person who captures interesting stories from a chess tournament which is why I am usually a "chess blogger" or photographer instead of a player in any chess tournament.

Last weekend I came back, at a 56-player rapid tournament (15+0) in my hometown of Teluk Intan. It's a small place that rarely sees a chess tournament, which felt like the right setting for a low-stakes experiment.

What I expected vs. what I got

My playing strength at ELO 1870 has always been mediocre in a very specific way: I never drop below 50%, and I never climb far above it either. I expected more of the same. What I didn't expect was to feel completely calm. In the past, my heart would pound before every game. This time, nothing. Just quiet.

The chess itself was a mess. I was chronically short on time — 15 minutes felt like permanent time trouble — and I made silly mistakes, dropping pieces in all my games.. My problem-solving was not what I wanted it to be. And yet I scored 4 out of 7. Neither happy nor disappointed. About 50%, as usual.

The most memorable moment: I lost the exchange. Then I lost a whole rook. And somehow I swindled my way to a win anyway. If that doesn't sum up mediocre-but-stubborn chess, I don't know what does.

Why I actually came back

Here's the honest part. I wasn't really testing my chess. I wanted to test my problem-solving skills under pressure — the same muscles I use for coding and software development. Chess was just the laboratory. And the results were useful: my calculation was rusty, my time management was poor, but my composure held. That's worth knowing.

Will I play more OTB? Most probably not. But online, maybe because of the silly challenge to get a FIDE arena online title challenge. 

Champion of the Lotus Teluk Intan Rapid:

Another reason I quit chess. I particularly hate losing to young kids. Who doesn't!

at least I got a real physical certificate (not the fashionable digital version many tournaments are giving out)